When Tracy “think(s) about the universe”, she can’t help but think it ever expansive, ever alluring, and yet ever elusive: a grand canvas of intriguing possibilities that seemingly always exceed her grasp. “(Her) only desire (is) to (attempt to) explore it, (understand it) and experience it as fully as possible”. It seems that for her, these sentiments apply to sexuality also, and, though only now becoming consciously aware of it … love too.
His bravest, boldest, grandest, and yet most emotionally intimate work to date, the interestingly titled ‘Love For Sale’ is Alis Locanta’s ‘Interstellar’: an ode to humanity’s ‘universal’ [intended as polysemy] experiences with the complexities of love and sexuality.
When we first meet Tracy her views on love and sexuality are divorced, sentiments distinct of one another, each represented by a separate life: one of “light”, which she presents to the outside world, and another “behind the door”, her “dark” and “secret” one. The intelligent woman she is however, Tracy understands that there are no ‘Secret(s): [Vol. 2]’ to it. Though invigorating, her first foray into prostitution involves a rather icy Dom/Sub encounter, one lacking fulfilling ‘Heat: [Vol. 2]’. Yet Tracy seems to have acknowledged this fact, accepting that she’s fundamentally a ‘Slave: [Vol. 2]’ “ready to sell what (her customer) wants”: a service through which Agatha is able to push and test the limits of her sexuality. And for now, Tracy seems introspectively resolved to play her role as the “bought and paid for” prostitute.
Her meeting is essentially a ‘Ballo: [Vol. 2]’ for one; or more accurately, a Ballo for each. I say that because, given her articulations, Tracy’s profession seems to provide a satisfying scenario to her also. Through prostitution Tracy’s able to earn a significant sum of money, and thus make a comfortable living; but more significantly, she, like her customers, is able to ‘comfortably’ satiate “the dark side of (her) nature”, her “secret” life.
Though at this point in time she may believe otherwise, I don’t think Tracy’s role as a prostitute, and the impact it has upon her life, or lives, is as unimportant or uninfluential as her soliloquies suggest. In fact, the contemplative, “complicated” and perplexing being she is, Tracy regularly contradicts her own minimalistic assertions about how the universe “puts all our little lives into perspective”: a distinct sign she’s still learning. On the whole, Tracy’s story is far from “black and white, easy or simple”; it’s a grand explorative journey as she discovers that her life and desires are “bigger than (prostitution and sexuality), so much bigger”.
A Kiss That Changed Everything
Yes, “it’s fucking hot”, but for my liking, Tracy’s life “behind the door” is not what she, or we for that matter, would consider to be ‘truly’ fulfilling. I don’t get the feeling Tracy genuinely wants to be a prostitute. Given the fact that she’s expressed a desire to “never ever want to go back” however; I think it’s safe to say she immensely enjoys being ‘used’ as one. Despite this, I think she’s searching for something deeper and more complete; something that perhaps amalgamates with sexuality… and it was a single kiss that informed Tracy that such a thing exists.
Through that kiss and its aftermath, we’re able to gain sincerest psychological and emotional insight into how Tracy currently views herself, her lives and consequently, her ideas of love and sexuality. Her pensive reaction and its eventual outcome; an ensuing encounter supposedly “dealing in sincerity (and) passion” with customer number two (Amarna); indicate that her attitudes are changing.
No longer ‘going gentle into that good night’, prostitution venture number two finds Tracy throwing herself enthusiastically into the unknown yet again. This time around however, she’s a little wiser, a little more informed, but at the same time, a little misled.
Tracy begins to postulate how we as humans are often “afraid” of exploring the “dark side of our nature”, particularly within our intimate, loving relationships. Her thoughts ‘St(r)ay’ toward feelings of vulnerability and judgment, something we personally, (for the most part), cultivate in so-called ‘true’ love. “Afraid to talk about it”, we’re uncertain as to what we “can safely explore without going too far, or becoming something or someone else’. Thus we “(deny our) freedom and (deny) who or what (we) really are”: “giv(ing) up (our) ability to feel, to express, and to experience truthfully”. Ultimately, (and again, for the most), we contribute to own sexual dissatisfaction, which for whatever reasons, drives us to search for “what (we) want (somewhere) else”. I think what Tracy wants is someone she can love warmly and deeply, but at the same time with dark “energy and passion”: a princess/prince on the streets and a prostitute in the sheets. Unfortunately it’s those misunderstood sentiments that take Tracy’s journey on a heart-wrenching turn.
As reliable a narrator as those in Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’, Tracy is unable to perceive the flaws in the evolution of her thinking pattern. That one powerful kiss and her subsequent encounter with Amarna have deluded her into believing that love can be found in prostitution. But the metaphor of something fake existing between these women cannot be ignored. Tracy is still a “bought and paid for” prostitute, and as much as our title suggests otherwise, prostitution is ‘Sex For Sale’.
Yet as I’ve said above, Tracy’s life and desires are “bigger than (prostitution and sexuality”. She and her customers are not so different from each other. She’s a prostitute for the same reason her clients use her, and yet they, like her, are searching for sex in that form because they’re desires are not being satiated in loving relationships either. These women aren’t searching for sex per se; they’re searching for a loving relationship that is sexually fulfilling. And for all those “hours and hours (spent) gazing at the stars and wondering, (if) maybe there was someone like (her) on a another planet, thinking about the same things”, all Tracy needs to do is turn her gaze to the answers right in front of her…
End, Part I.
Your thoughts and feedback please. It would be immensely appreciated. Tell me what you think about Tracy and her journey so far and where you think it’s headed… I have an idea, but I’d like to hear yours first please.