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My favorite lesbian sex positions

Mainstream women’s magazine Cosmopolitan generated a media storm recently when it published a guide to lesbian sex positions, complete with handy illustrations. While many celebrated their foray into girl-on-girl sexuality, others ridiculed the positions as uncomfortable, unrealistic or downright impossible.

One of the major criticisms was that the positions relied far too much on clitoral grinding, and not enough on penetration. As I suggested in a recent post on tribbing (scissoring) over on the VivThomas blog http://blog.vivthomas.com/tribbing-hot/, how much pleasure that gives you probably depends on whether you want clitorial or G-spot orgasms. If, like me, you need G-spot stimulation to really hit the roof, all these clit-rubbing positions are merely foreplay, with very little prospect of a truly mindblowing orgasm. Myself and a helpful girlfriend tried out all the moves Cosmo listed (in the name of research, naturally!) but found some of them demanded perfect balance, flexibility and stamina in order to build up any real arousal. We ended up doing what we like doing best – I lay on my back while she licked and fingered me hard, and then I did the same to her. It’s nothing fancy, but it works!

Of course, the whole question of lesbian sex positions becomes that much more problematic when a camera is involved. The girls need to have orgasms (otherwise, what the hell is the point?) but we need to see what’s happening too. That’s why doggie positions are great, because we get a great view of the girl’s pussy from behind as she gets fingered and eaten out, as well as lots of pretty ass and face close-ups. A sixty-nine can look amazing too, as the camera can move around from end to end, although I’m sure in reality most of us end up doing this on our sides – it’s more comfortable if you’re going to keep at it for hours! And standing up, as beautifully demonstrated by Tracy Lindsay and Silvie Luca in the recent movie ‘Txt Us’, can be a total turn-on, especially if your partner has great legs and is wearing sexy high heels. But you do need something to hold on to when you climax, unless you want to end up on the floor!

I’m curious to know – what are the lesbian sex positions you love to see on screen? Are there any you hate? And is it more important to see exactly what’s happening, or to know that it is a position where the girl is genuinely getting off, rather than something that’s staged for the camera?

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Female orgasm – all in the mind?

For a woman, orgasm is all in the mind. That’s the conclusion of a recent study, published in the June 2014 issue of Sexologies journal, which found that women who focus on erotic thoughts during sex are more likely to reach climax.

The study of 251 French women (okay I’ll admit, just imagining 251 French babes moaning, “Oui…. oui!” in that sexy accent has already got me turned on) found that those who were able to focus on their physical sensations and erotic thoughts were more likely to be orgasmic. In other words, if you want to get off during sex, thinking sexy thoughts is the key.

So far, so obvious. Any girl can tell you that mentally checking her ‘to do’ list while getting frisky is unlikely to be the best route to ecstasy. I’d also suggest that it’s rather disrespectful to your partner, assuming that they are doing their best to connect with you at the most intimate level.

The study’s author, Pascal de Sutter – professor at the department of sexology and family science at the University of Louvain in Belgium – concluded that using erotic thoughts to increase awareness of physical sensations leads to greater arousal. Mindfulness is very much the buzzword du jour. Paying deliberate attention to the present moment, an ancient practice that is highly relevant in today’s sensory-overload society, can be used to enhance everything from mental health to sporting performance – so why not sex?

Last night, I decided to test the theory myself (all in the name of science, you understand). Now, I orgasm pretty easily – a quickie on the stairs before you take me out to dinner is just as likely to get me in the mood as the romantic dinner itself. But nonetheless, I was intrigued by the idea of consciously wallowing in the erotic realm without giving headspace to any distracting thoughts. So as my date and I hit the sheets, I blocked out all my mental chatter (Did I turn out the lights downstairs – who cares? Am I wearing sexy underwear – yes, of course!) and thought only about what she was doing to me, and what I wanted to do to her.

It didn’t hurt that this girl, a very hot redhead, was a great kisser. We’ve fooled around, but never gone this far before. I focused my attention purely on the sensation of her soft lips on mine and – ohhhhh – almost immediately felt that telltale rush of wetness between my parted thighs. It seemed we were already physically attuned, as her fingers slid down to rub my pussy through my satin panties, the wetness soaking through. I could picture how it looked, her hand cupping my crotch, seeking out my most sensitive spots. The feeling of her slippery fingers working back and forth, the smell of her perfume and the sound of my own heavy breathing… the sensations seemed to grow and swell and overwhelm me and – oh, oh, oh, that’s it! My first orgasm of the night (but certainly not my last) achieved in just a couple of minutes.

So ladies, I really recommend you give it a try. Put down your smartphone, stop thinking about the chores that need doing, and wallow in the delicious sensations as your lover touches you. Imagining erotic scenarios, giving gentle directions (“keep doing that please”) and focusing on the physical senses of touch, taste, sight, sound and smell can all help make the experience intensely pleasurable.

Are women really so different from men in this respect though? Guys, please enlighten me. Is sex purely mechanical, or do you have to be mentally present and in the erotic headspace to get off?

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