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Faith or Fap: why is the Bible Belt watching so much porn?

About the author: Allison Leigh is a pornographer, producer, polyamorist, and professional kinkster. When sexuality is business, business is fun! 

The religious Bible Belt in the Southern United States is known for its Christian, politically conservative population – but studies over the past decade allude to the idea that maybe the sex-negative South ‘doth protest too much.’ Several recent surveys, all of which were performed by analyzing anonymous user data, indicate that states with more religious conservatives search for more porn, more gay porn, and submit more homemade sex tapes than the rest of the country. This begs the question: Why are these numbers so contrary to what typical religious values espouse?

So what gives? There’s a lot to unpack there – after all, conservative Christianity is more readily associated with promise rings than porn. One idea that can be posited about Dixie’s predilection for pornography comes from the psychological concept of reactance. People, when faced with a perceived limitation, will often feel their freedom is being threatened and act out in the manner that has been proscribed against. Assuming that most people in the South were raised in communities with values similar to their own – which is a pretty safe assumption when considering the fact that children of highly religious parents overwhelmingly remain the same faith through adulthood – it is easy to theorize that conservative Christian Southerners might simply be rebelling against social mores that have been passed down to them. As any kinkster or psychologist will tell you, taboo can play a compelling role in sexuality.

Aggressive bravado may be another explanation for these statistical anomalies. A recent study found that men who voted for Donald Trump were more likely to be insecure in their masculinity, and there is little that the cult of toxic masculinity hates more than homosexuality. Politicians of the American South are also notoriously anti-porn; it is hardly a stretch to consider that gay men in heavily Republican areas such as the American South may feel compelled to overact in order to defend their masculine identity and place within their communities. A large number of closeted men would create a disparity in the perception of the culture when contrasted with actual practices of everyday people.

An opposing theory is that the studies quoted could be statistical anomalies that don’t take into account the current (read as: younger) face of the South. As an audience, we are accustomed to viewing the South as a sort of cartoonish Dixieland, waving Confederate flags and burning crosses. While current events reflect that this is still somewhat true, this may not be a complete vision of the majority of Southerners. Relying on internet analytics may give us a comprehensive view of what internet users are doing, but it could be argued that it does not account for the entire population of an area. Internet users are more likely to be young; internet usage penetration for 18–29-year-olds in the United States has been recorded at 98%, with 97% penetration for 30–49-year-olds. When compared with only 66% penetration for seniors aged 65+ and the fact that seniors 60+ are more likely to be active voters, there is a discrepancy between what older generations of Southerners vote for and what younger Southerners are practicing that needs to be statistically accommodated for.

Whichever theory you attribute to these findings, it is important to remember that analysis of trends like those presented can only give us a general idea of correlation, and does not fully allow us to draw conclusions about individuals. American Southerners are statistically likely to be Trump voters and religious conservatives, and people using the internet in these areas search for more porn and more gay porn than the rest of the country. Whether you assign those things meaning in the context of one another is up to you…

 

REFERENCES:

Brown, E. N. (2018, November 13). Anti-Porn Republicans Haven’t Gone Anywhere. https://reason.com/blog/2018/11/13/porn-panic-in-politics-never-left

Feit, N. (2018, February 20). Confederate flag debate in SC to be featured on television program. https://www.thestate.com/entertainment/tv/article201180744.html

Keisling, P. (2017, February 8). Our Ever-Older Electorate and What It Means for Democracy. http://www.governing.com/columns/smart-mgmt/col-aging-electorate-voting-participation-democracy.html

Knowles, E., and DiMuccio, S. (2018, November 29). How Donald Trump appeals to men secretly insecure about their manhood. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/monkey-cage/wp/2018/11/29/how-donald-trump-appeals-to-men-secretly-insecure-about-their-manhood/

Macinnis, C. C., and Hodson, G. (2014, 10). Do American States with More Religious or Conservative Populations Search More for Sexual Content on Google? Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(1), 137–147. doi:10.1007/s10508–014–0361–8

Mitchell, T. (2016, November 01). The links between religious upbringing, current religious identity. http://www.pewforum.org/2016/10/26/links-between-childhood-religious-upbringing-and-current-religious-identity/

Pornhub. (2014, March 6). Porn Equality — Gay Viewers by US State. https://www.pornhub.com/insights/gay-usa-porn-equality

Reactance Theory. (n.d.). https://study.com/academy/lesson/psychological-reactance-theory.html

Seltzer, L. F. (2012, May 31). The Secret, Taboo Aspects of Male Sexual Desire. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201205/the-secrettaboo-aspects-male-sexual-desire

Snow, A. (2014, October 11). Christian Right-Wingers Love Porn: New Studies Suggest the Bible Belt Has A Kinky Side. https://www.thedailybeast.com/christian-right-wingers-love-porn-new-studies-suggest-the-bible-belt-has-a-kinky-side

Statista. (n.d.). Share of adults in the United States who use the internet in 2018, by age group. https://www.statista.com/statistics/266587/percentage-of-internet-users-by-age-groups-in-the-us/

Vandello, J. A., Bosson, J. K., Cohen, D., Burnaford, R. M., & Weaver, J. R. (2008). Precarious manhood. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(6), 1325–1339.

 

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Perfect Pussy Play

I hate it when girls take sex too seriously. Unless you’re dominating me – in which case, the more serious the better, I want to feel a little bit intimidated and overwhelmed – lesbian sex should be a joyful and fun occasion. If I don’t make you smile, I’ll feel like I’m not licking you the way you like it, so positive feedback in the form of moaning, giggling and gasping is always welcomed!

That’s why, despite some very stiff competition, Don Caravaggio’s “Be Mine… Again” is my favorite girl-girl movie of the last few weeks. Lorena B has to be the most naturally erotic model on the planet. She doesn’t try to hold back her dazzling smile, and as she tussles with gorgeous Tess B, their increasingly sexual caresses and kisses build spontaneously from the fun they are having. The chemistry between them is genuine and unselfconscious, and they seem to read each other’s physical responses so well, reacting to every little shiver of pleasure.

I’m guessing I’m not the only one to feel this way, as at the time of writing, it’s one of SexArt’s top rated movies (Lorena’s solo movie “Olas De Placer” is still number one, more than two years after it was released). Of course it doesn’t hurt that both Lorena and Tess are stunning and have insanely hot pussy-eating skills too… and I wasn’t expecting that strap-on cock to make an appearance! These are definitely my kind of girls.

 

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Happy Holidays from SexArt!

Happy Holidays from all of us at SexArt. 

We hope Santa leaves you something sexy in your stocking, whether you've been naughty or nice - or even, like our gorgeous models Cherry Kiss and Katy Sky, a little bit of both. 

Season's Greetings, and thanks for sharing so much naughty fun with us this year. 

 

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Sexual Politics

About the author: Allison Leigh is a pornographer, producer, polyamorist, and professional kinkster. When sexuality is business, business is fun! 

From how we do it to whom we do it with, sex is personal – but is it linked to our politics?

The stereotypes about our political personalities are ubiquitous, especially in the United States. From the promiscuous, birth control using Democrat who supports Planned Parenthood, to the truck balls owning, toxically masculine Republican affirming his “alpha” position by ridiculing his perceived enemies as “cucks,” our views on politics are often linked (in appearance, if not in actuality) to our views on sex. But what kind of sex are Republicans and Democrats actually having? Do our preconceived notions of the parties line up with what’s really happening in their fantasies?

I was surprised to see this discussion on a recent episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, a longstanding comedy-news talk show. Though the findings were reduced to a quick punchline, the study Colbert referenced was real. Published in a book entitled “Tell Me What You Want,” Dr. Justin Lehmiller surveyed 4,175 adult Americans from all 50 states, collecting data on a variety of different situations, people, political figures and other potential turn-ons. The analysis shines an interesting light on the American sexual psyche.

Republicans, for instance, were more likely to fantasize about activities that involve sex outside of marriage like infidelity, orgies and partner swapping, including 1970s-style “key parties” and modern-day forms of swinging. Republicans also reported more fantasies with voyeuristic themes, including visiting strip clubs and practicing something known as “cuckolding” which involves watching one’s partner have sex with someone else, specifically someone who is better in bed than you are. This is the origin of the term “cuck,” which has become a popular pejorative in modern Republican and “Proud Boy” online communities.

Democrats, on the other hand, were more likely to fantasize about sexual activities that involved power dynamics, such as BDSM. In fact, the largest bedroom disparity between Republicans and Democrats was their interest in masochism – enjoying pleasure through the experience of pain. Spanking, bondage, and dominant/submissive roleplay were far more likely to titillate Democrats than Republicans.

Dr. Lehmiller’s theory about these differences between the parties boils down to a mainline through the human psyche regardless of politics – the appeal of taboo. It’s easy to see where these marked disparities may come from when viewed through this frame. Republicans are guided by a party platform that touts the “sanctity of traditional marriage,” which would make any sort of non-monogamous exploration verboten. Meanwhile, Democrats may be drawn to power exchange because their party so staunchly stands for equality. Dr Lehmiller writes, “The appeal of the taboo stems from a long-standing principle of psychology known as reactance – which stipulates that when our freedom is threatened and we’re told we can’t do something, we want to do it even more. Many a parent has discovered this principle and used it to their benefit in shaping behavior through reverse psychology: Frame the desired act as something your [offspring] isn’t allowed to do and you just might get what you want.”

There were many similarities between the fantasy lives of those surveyed, as well. Markedly crossing party lines was the inclination toward trying new things, whether they be new partners or new experiences. Additionally, almost everyone surveyed reported that they enjoyed situations and scenarios where they felt validated and competent, indicating that we seek to fulfil our emotional desires even in our fantasies. Behind all of our political slogans and kinky fantasies, it would seem that humans are still striving to meet the same set of psychological needs.

While one cannot jump to conclusions about our sexual proclivities based on survey alone, it’s important to note this data and frame it within the greater spectrum of knowledge. Our sexuality is of course not solely the product of our politics – but this research shows that the two appear to be linked. It stands to reason that the frame with which we view the world would also be the frame with which we view ourselves – and our sexuality.

This post first appeared on MyErotica.com

REFERENCES:

Brehm, J.W. (1966). A theory of psychological reactance. http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1967-08061-000

Lehmiller, J. (2018, August 28). Tell Me What You Want. https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/justin-j-lehmiller/tell-me-what-you-want/9780738234953/

Lehmiller, J., Scher, B., Greenfield, J., and Alberta, T. (2018, October 27). Republicans and Democrats Don’t Just Disagree About Politics. They Have Different Sexual Fantasies. https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/10/27/sexual-fantasies-republicans-democrats-politics-221919

Schwartz, D. (2016, August 01). Why Angry White Men Love Calling People “Cucks”. https://www.gq.com/story/why-angry-white-men-love-calling-people-cucks

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. (2018, November 03). Republicans And Democrats Have Different Sexy Thoughts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3neoZaTEUeM

Urban Dictionary (n.d.). Truck balls. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=truck%20balls

 

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Melissa Benz: sexy flexy

I’ve just watched the incredibly sexy Melissa Benz working her magic in Andrej Lupin’s erotic movie “Bright Love” and now I know exactly why she’s called Benz! What an amazingly flexible beauty who knows how to use that supple body to enhance her partner’s sexual pleasure as much as her own.

At first, I just enjoyed the sight of her lowering her face down onto Juan Lucho’s cock for a superb hands-free blowjob, which is always a turn-on to watch. She looks really cute in those white panties with a cat face over her pussy, and she’s got great tits with delicious puffy nipples. She looks even hotter straddling him and riding his cock… and then comes the moment that really blows me away!

She’s bouncing up and down on that thick shaft, obviously really getting into it, and then she climbs off him and slides up to plant her sweet pussy on his mouth, getting into a full split position right on his face. She spreads her legs so wide that he has total access to her pussy and ass, nothing but his tongue touching her.

Kudos to him for not blowing his load right then, with a mouthful of that wet pussy. But no, he fucks her in spoons with her leg right up in the air, toes pointed like a gymnast, and then they move into missionary and her legs are parted so wide and so straight that her feet are on a level with her shoulders. She’s so opened up that Juan could take a run up and dive straight in. It must feel incredible.

I’ve watched the movie several times now, and I fall more deeply in lust with Melissa on every viewing. Please make a movie that uses her incredible flexibility to an even greater extent. I’d love to see a gymnast themed movie, or to watch her in a sex swing, strapped in a split, swinging over an outstretched tongue until she orgasms. I can only imagine what else she can do, and I would love to find out!

 

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Yeah I masturbate!

About the author: Allison Leigh is a pornographer, producer, polyamorist, and professional kinkster. When sexuality is business, business is fun! 

When I was in my punk phase, I acquired a pin that proudly proclaimed, YEAH, I MASTURBATE. I thought it was hilarious, but I don’t believe I truly appreciated how political the statement was. Despite a thousand euphemisms, masturbation is something rarely discussed and almost never referred to by name. But what if our aversion to calling it what it is – self pleasure – is holding us back from really enjoying it?

Handed to us via thousands of years of religious and societal reinforcement, the reason we giggle or shift uncomfortably in our seats at any reference to masturbation is that annoying social shaper, shame. Unlike its sister emotion, guilt, which informs the brain that “what I have done is bad,” shame lacks that key distinction and tells us “I am bad.” Presumably, the function of shame is to encourage us to improve our behavior in future. While shame can have healthy applications, such as making us strive to do better by our peers, feeling like you’re dirty or disgusting is a major mood killer.

Shame has been linked to addiction, perfectionism, depression and low self-esteem – and none of those are drives we want anywhere near our sexuality, save for certain consensual fetish activities. Being ashamed can impel us to attack ourselves, or to externalize our emotions by attacking other people, which causes the cycle to continue. When a comedian mentions masturbation and everyone giggles nervously or sinks into their seats, it’s not because the joke is inherently funny – it’s because we’ve been taught that this activity is shameful. Both the joke and the response are part of a circle of conditioning, passing the shame from person to person. Everyone goes home having the shame of touching themselves reinforced, and no one feels very sexy about it.

So how do we combat the social stigma that causes us to feel so much shame about self-pleasure? After all, we’ve already proven countless times that masturbation is healthy, normal, and even good for you – it certainly seems that we should be over this hang-up by now. We’re conscious that having a good wank is nothing to be ashamed of. Now, if only we could fight the blush rising in our cheeks at the very thought of it…

I heartily recommend freeing yourself from the inherited shame of masturbation, and start calling your “alone time” what it is. In the process, you will start relieving others of that shame as well. Obviously you don’t want to force the topic onto others without their consent, but talking about your feelings and being frank about fingering (or your own preferred method) is the best hope for society to heal our collective discomfort surrounding masturbation. If we can stop passing our shame to others, we can actively create a positive culture and work toward wholeheartedly embracing healthy sexuality.

This post first appeared on MyErotica.com

 

REFERENCES:

Ashby, J. S., Rice, K. G., & Martin, J. L. (2006, 04). Perfectionism, Shame, and Depressive Symptoms. Journal of Counseling & Development, 84(2), 148–156. doi:10.1002/j.1556–6678.2006.tb00390.x

Capretto, L. (2013, April 18). WATCH: What To Tell Yourself When You Screw Up. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/18/brene-brown-shame-guilt-addiction-oprah_n_2966351.html

Crew, B. (2018, January 25). Is Masturbation Good For You? Science Weighs In. https://www.sciencealert.com/is-masturbation-good-for-you-science-answer

Gregoire, C. (2016, March 03). The Unexpected Reason It’s Healthy To Feel Shame. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/shame-psychology-evolution_us_56d4428ce4b0871f60ebf5c9

Gruenewald, T. L., Kemeny, M. E., Aziz, N., & Fahey, J. L. (2004, 11). Acute Threat to the Social Self: Shame, Social Self-esteem, and Cortisol Activity. Psychosomatic Medicine, 66(6), 915–924. doi:10.1097/01.psy.0000143639.61693.ef

Sack, D. (2015, January 13). 5 Ways to Silence Shame. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/where-science-meets-the-steps/201501/5-ways-silence-shame

Wehrenberg, M. (2015, July 7). Shame and Depression. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/depression-management-techniques/201507/shame-and-depression

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Lingerie Lovers

Erotic fiction inspired by Cristina Miller and Vanessa Decker in “Dreamy Life

Vanessa first spotted Cristina getting a manicure. She was sampling some fancy perfumes at her favorite store when she noticed a striking beauty, with dark hair and a caramel complexion, admiring her newly painted nails. Cristina turned Vanessa’s way and Vanessa was only able to avoid eye contact by burying her nose in her freshly scented wrist. She missed the hint of a smile on Cristina’s face.

Vanessa was bored. She was loitering in the store in search of excitement. Usually, that meant a trip to the lingerie section.

She was browsing the clearance rack when she saw those nails again – a mix and match of purple and white with tiny patterns – sifting through a rack of lacy teddies. Cristina was holding a black teddy up against the light, testing its transparency, when she looked over her shoulder and saw Vanessa staring at her.

Vanessa unfroze and knew Cristina recognized her from before. She had to say something. “Otherwise, she might think I’m a creep,” she thought.

“That looks really hot,” she said, walking over to Cristina.

“Didn’t I see you in perfumes earlier?” said Cristina. Vanessa nodded, slightly embarrassed. “Find anything nice?”

Vanessa lifted her hand up to Cristina’s face, slowly, as if she were approaching a skeptical kitten. She put her wrist under Cristina’s nose. Cristina’s nostril flared with the smell of peonies, gardenias and orange blossoms, and she smiled.

Vanessa moved her hand over Cristina’s jawline towards her neck. “May I?” she asked. Cristina lifted her chin up to expose her neck, allowing Vanessa to gently rub off some of the scent.

“You must have a hot date,” said Vanessa, gesturing to the lingerie.

“Hah, a girl can dream,” said Cristina. “It’s funny, I probably have three of four pieces just like this at home that have never seen the light of day. I need a reason to wear them.”

“Create a reason,” said Vanessa. “You should try it on. See how it looks.” She grabbed the teddy from Cristina and took her by the hand, tugging her toward the dressing room.

Cristina stumbled forward a few steps and then stood her ground. “I can’t,” she said. Her eyes feigned hesitance but Vanessa saw the calculation going on in her mind, which seemed to shift in mid-sentence. “I can’t... try something on by myself,” she continued.

Vanessa pulled a few teddies off the rack and they scurried to the dressing room, taking one of the largest rooms available. They stood face to face for a few awkward moments.

“You dragged me in here,” said Cristina. “You go first.”

“Okay, but turn around,” said Vanessa. Cristina quietly complied. “No, I’m just fucking with you,” laughed Vanessa. “You can look if want.”

Vanessa kicked off her winter boots and loosened her skirt, dropping it down her legs with her panties. She quickly unbuttoned her blouse and undid her bra. Cristina kept her back to Vanessa but couldn’t help looking back a few times as Vanessa stripped. She turned around once Vanessa had changed into a cream-colored teddy that was half thong and half halter top. Vanessa was tying up the teddy behind her neck and had neglected a nipple that was still exposed. Cristina pulled the lace over her breast, fingers skimming the warm flesh.

“It’s lovely,” she said.

“You haven’t even seen the back,” said Vanessa, who swayed her ass like she was slow dancing.

“Even better,” said Cristina.

Vanessa loved the way Cristina’s eyes wandered across her body. “Now it’s your turn,” she said.

Vanessa didn’t voluntarily look away and Cristina didn’t ask her to. She was unnerved by Vanessa’s desiring eyes as she undressed – but her body gave her every indication of being turned on. She undressed agonizingly slowly. Every piece of clothing, starting with the belt to her skinny jeans, came off one at a time. She turned her back as she took off her panties and put on the black teddy.

“Gorgeous,” said Vanessa. She asked Cristina to turn around. Then she spun her around again. As Cristina came full circle, Vanessa leaned in. Cristina closed her eyes and was motionless with anticipation.

Vanessa wasn’t content to give her a simple kiss. She slid her tongue from the edge of Cristina’s ear and down her chin line, clamping on her bottom lip and lathering it with her tongue as she cupped her hands over Cristina’s large breasts. Cristina’s hands roamed freely as she directed her tongue towards Vanessa’s mouth for a sloppy kiss. Their smacking kisses were loud and prolonged, enough that they were startled by a knock on the door.

“Everything okay in there?” said a muffled voice. “You never got your tags.”

“It’s okay,” said Cristina. “I’m a VIP member.”

It felt mean to laugh but they couldn’t help themselves. Vanessa gave Cristina another kiss and then whispered into her ear, “Let’s throw our clothes on and go to my place.”

“But we can’t just take these,” said Cristina.

“You worry too much,” said Vanessa. She grabbed all the underwear from the floor and threw it into her purse. She turned Cristina around and applied gentle pressure to pull her tag off, removing the tag from her own outfit too.

The cashier was a little confused at first. Two beautiful women paying for two missing undergarments – tags only – with giant smirks on their face.

Cristina followed Vanessa home to her apartment. Vanessa wasn’t much of a house warmer. She took Cristina right to her bedroom and told her to get comfortable while she fetched some wine.

Cristina stripped down to her teddy, and when Vanessa retuned with a single glass, she was also down to her lingerie. She gave Cristina the glass with a rim that was covered in her lipstick. Cristina took three large sips, nearly finishing the glass.

“I haven’t done this before,” said Cristina, who was full of nervous excitement.

“Just lie back and relax,” said Vanessa. “If you like how it feels, we can keep going.”

They stretched out on the bed. Vanessa locked hands with Cristina and kissed at her fingertips and then her mouth. Vanessa felt all over Cristina’s lacy teddy, slowly pulling the top down to bare her breasts. Her nipples were already stiff, and Vanessa stroked and licked them.

Vanessa removed the teddy completely and kissed her way down to Cristina’s pussy. She pressed the middle of her tongue against Cristina’s clit, curling its tip into her dripping pussy. She went back and forth with her tongue and her fingers as Cristina played with her big breasts. Vanessa crawled up alongside and Cristina opened her legs to let Vanessa’s freewheeling fingers take over. She started to get out of breath. As she curled her back, Vanessa fingered her relentlessly until an orgasm swept through her.

Vanessa caressed Cristina’s body as she gradually came down from her orgasmic high.

“How is that teddy still on?” said Cristina.

Vanessa sat up and unhooked the teddy from the back of her neck. It slid down, baring her big breasts, a tempting sight to Cristina. But she had something else in mind and she was tired of moving slow. She kissed around Vanessa’s inner thighs a little. She breathed in and got the scent of a woman who seemed to pamper every inch of her body. Her taste was even sweeter, and Cristina devoured her like a pomegranate.

Vanessa turned onto her stomach. “I’m so close, baby,” she said.

Cristina cuddled up next to her and rested her breasts on Vanessa’s back. Vanessa’s ass jiggled as Cristina probed her pussy with two fingers. Vanessa put a helping hand over Cristina’s fingers to increase the thrust. She moved to her clit as Cristina continued to finger her. Cristina blew kisses into her ear until Vanessa was shaking with pleasure.

They rested in bed for a few minutes, and Cristina turned to Vanessa, who looked to be on the verge of dreams. “So, there’s this great sex shop I know of about 20 minutes away,” she said.

Vanessa snapped awake with a smile and kissed Cristina. “Tell me about it,” she said, as she went down on Cristina for another tasting.

 

About the author: The Junkman is a contributing writer for the MetArt Network, blending his twin passions for erotic storytelling and high-class porn. He shares a range of musings at JunkPixels.com

If you enjoy erotic fiction and would like to contribute some of your own, you can email it to fanfiction@metart.com. We don't promise to post it in full, but we will pick out the juiciest bits to share! To see more stories and true confessions, check out our free fiction site, MyErotica.com

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SexArt nominated for major XBIZ award!

We’re thrilled to announce that SexArt.com is a finalist nominee in the prestigious Erotic Site of the Year category at the 2019 XBIZ Awards.

With nominations for our sister sites MetArt and VivThomas too, we’re really feeling the love.

XBIZ is the adult industry's leading publisher of business news and information, and the awards event will be hosted by Stormy Daniels on January 17, 2019. Wish us luck!

 

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Five Practical Life Lessons I Learned From Non-Monogamy

About the author: Allison Leigh is a pornographer, producer, polyamorist, and professional kinkster. When sexuality is business, business is fun! 

Ethical non-monogamy is on the rise among Millennials. A recent YouGov survey found that in 1,000 people aged between 18 and 30, 11 percent of them – that’s a little better than one in ten – had engaged in sexual or romantic activities with someone other than their partner, with their partner’s consent. That’s a huge shift in social mores, especially in the somewhat puritanical United States. But whether you like to fall in love with one person or many, polyamory and ethical non-monogamy have a lot to teach us, and the increase in relationship consciousness can only serve to improve our daily lives. I’ve been practicing non-monogamy in one form or another for almost a decade, and the lessons I have learned have become an invaluable part of my life and growth. These are my top five:

  • * Communication is key. My personal experience suggests there is literally nothing in life that isn’t made easier by frequent, clear communication. Having one romantic partner can be difficult enough, but more than one increases complications exponentially, even in the smoothest of relationships. It is often said that polyamorous people “communicate to death,” but learning how to discuss your needs and desires (and what the difference is between the two) without making demands or placing blame will make every interaction with another reasonable adult easier. There are countless techniques to enhance listening and good communication, and studying them and improving our skills are part of our responsibility as mature adults who are continuously striving to do and be better.
  • * Have a good relationship with yourself. Take time to learn what it is that you want. Dig deep into your desires and find their origins in order to better understand yourself. Explore your own boundaries and defend them as your own greatest champion. Get in touch with your emotions and where they stem from. In polyamory this is often discussed in terms of jealousy, since jealousy usually blossoms out of personal insecurities – but it is useful across the spectrum. Knowing the deeper reasoning for an emotion makes it easier to address, and prevents us from putting proverbial bandages over tightly held spiritual wounds. Take care of yourself, and you’ll also find that you are less upset at others for not “taking care” of you.
  • * My feelings are my responsibility. What I do with my emotions is up to me. This doesn’t mean that everything is my fault, or that other people are blameless. What it does mean is that it is up to me to handle my feelings in a responsible manner. Emotions can become tyrants, if we let them, and it’s important to stop that process before it gets too far along in demanding that we – and our loved ones – bow to them. Acknowledging the feeling, putting a name to it, and asking ourselves why we feel that way are critical steps to take in processing our emotional responses. Expecting that our significant other is supposed to tend to our every emotional need is a surefire way to make them feel trapped, and breeds resentment.
  • * Consent applies to more than just sex. Asking permission and discussing plans of action are useful tools that should be applied to all interactions that involve more than just yourself. The more you apply the principles of active consent to everyday situations, the more likely it is that you can accomplish your goals without railroading your significant others, business partners, and friends. In non-monogamy, consent discussions play a primary role in assuring that everyone in a relationship is happy and getting their needs met, and that principle is universally applicable. This is especially useful in emotionally heavy conversations, where it helps verify that all parties are equally present for the subject at hand (like double checking before discussing a big topic, or asking before offering an upset friend unsolicited advice). Discussing consent allows us to meet our own needs as well as those of others without violating the boundaries of those we care about.
  • * People are more important than our relationships with them. Sometimes people are not willing or able to meet our needs, desires, or expectations, and it is crucial to remember that it’s okay! Every individual is inherently valuable, regardless of whether they are meeting our expectations or not. Individuals are more important than what we can get from them, and we would do well to remember that sometimes that means a different solution than the one we had pictured. Actively valuing other people can sometimes look like leaving them alone, as opposed to the obsessive love that we are conditioned for. Having respect for the whole person allows the whole person to bloom, instead of just the parts we choose to address.

Have you ever tried any form of non-monogamy? Do you utilize active consent in your daily life? What are some life lessons that you have learned from your relationships? Please share your experiences and knowledge in the comments section so that we may all learn together!

This post first appeared on MyErotica.com

 

REFERENCES:

Banks, R. (2014, December 10). Taking Responsibility for Your Emotional Reactions. http://mindfulnessremedy.com/taking-responsibility-emotional-reactions

Barker, M.J. (2017, December 30). Consensual Relationships Revisited: Only with Consent. https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/conflict-break-up/consensual-relationships-revisited/

Polyamorous Misanthrope, (2016, November 23). Know Thyself.http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2016/11/23/know-thyself/

Veaux, F (n.d.) Communication in Relationships. https://www.morethantwo.com/communication.html

YouGov (2016, October 3). Young Americans are less wedded to monogamy than their elders. https://today.yougov.com/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2016/10/03/young-americans-less-wedded-monogamy

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Lazy Sunday Sex

Erotic fiction inspired by Luna C and Gisha Forza in “Switch Off

My horny lover Luna is insatiable, an ebony beauty who, once she’s in the mood, just can’t keep her hands to herself.

It was a lazy Sunday, nothing much to do. We were hanging out at home on the couch; I was on my phone, going through my social network sites, but Luna had something a little more intimate in mind.

I could tell from the way she kept reaching over and tapping my arm, trying to get my attention. It’s lucky for her that she’s so hot, because she doesn’t have to work too hard to get me interested.

So she starts touching me, trying to slip her fingers inside my T-shirt and stroke my breasts, and her light touch does the trick. I feel myself getting horny and the next thing I know she’s got her tongue in my mouth and I’m squeezing her ass and hoping she’ll take off my pants and lick my slit.

She gets my top down easily and I can feel her fingers on my tit. I follow suit and pull the straps of her dress off her shoulders to play with her beautiful breasts, feeling her nipples against the palms of my hands.

Luna gets me on my back in seconds, climbing onto top of me to kiss me some more. I hitch her skirt up and grab at her ass as she grinds herself against my jeans. Kneeling over my thighs, she gets both of my titties out and licks my nipples. Each time she moves from one to the other, her saliva cools and my nipples stiffen even more.

Just as I’d hoped, she pulls down my pants and gets my legs open – I wasn’t wearing any panties. I watch as she licks my slit, feeling her tongue part my lips and glide over my groove. She gets me wet so fast, and sticks a finger in me, sucking on my clit hard, just the way she knows I like it.

She’s just as horny as I am, stopping for a moment to pull off what’s left of her own clothing. Then she’s on top of me, her hand on my pussy, fingers curled inside my hole, and I’m moaning and gasping, my whole body in lust with her. I look up and admire the way her breasts curve, feeling a deeper desire to fuck her.

I sit up next to her, my legs open, letting her finger fuck me, and I bend over to squeeze her titties and suck on those chocolate-colored nipples, cupping a breast in my hand, feeling its soft weight.

And that drives her so crazy that she starts to really fuck me hard, her hand a blur between my legs. I have to stop sucking on her nipple, it feels too good. With my head back, I gasp and groan and she rubs at my clit, eager to make me cum.

I want to taste her and I get her on her back and straddle her gorgeous face, planting my shaved pussy on her lips. She sticks her tongue right up inside me and for a moment it feels so good that I am unable to do anything. But then I remember her hot pussy right under my face and I get busy with it.

First, I stroke her slit as I bounce slowly back and forth against her tongue. Then, when I see her lips have peeled open and my fingers are wet with her juices, I bend down and taste her, sliding my tongue through her labia. That does the trick for her, she suddenly stops eating me and has to hold onto my ass tight as body delights in my licking.

I cum on her face but I don’t stop. We move back to sitting side by side and I rub her harder, just like she did for me. She wants me so badly her tongue keeps on pressing into my mouth. But now she knows she can have it anyway she wants, and she slides down the couch and throws her legs up in the air, while I lie on my belly. With my face right over her pussy, I finger her, probing her hole, licking her clit, her juices slippery on my fingers, coating my chin. 

I don’t see her cum, her legs are tight together, but I hear her and I feel her. Her body shakes as she orgasms, and we end up in a heap of horny nakedness.

I love lazy Sundays, don’t you?

 

If you enjoy erotic fiction and would like to contribute some of your own, you can email it to fanfiction@metart.com. We don't promise to post it in full, but we will pick out the juiciest bits to share! To see more stories and true confessions, check out our free fiction site, MyErotica.com

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    Starfire 9 hours ago

    Fabulous pink set Casey, my pleasure indeed.

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    Leslove 16 hours ago

    Every time I see Casey with another woman, I'm struck with what an awesome lady she is. When she's alone she still is awesome but no one is enjoying her. Very elegant and lovable.

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    DANGMAN2013 22 hours ago

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    Rose 23 hours ago

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    Eurolicious 24 hours ago

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    Tafi 1 day agoLifetime member

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